leibster award :)

hello there! i have been nominated by three different people for the leibster award, so i've decided to complete the award guidelines for all three of my nominators. here are the rules:

You have to share 11 things about yourself.
You have to answer the 11 questions that your tagger has given you.
You have to choose 11 other blogs for the nomination. (Nominees must have under 200 followers.)
You must leave 11 questions for your nominees.
Finally, you must thank the person who nominated you, and link back to their blog.

here we go!

i was nominated by Amber of Am. doodles, Sophie of Pretty Passions, Fine Fashions, and Ella of Gorilla Legs. thanks to all you lovely ladies for your sweet comments and words of encouragement! :)

11 things about myself:

1) i'm joining my school's marching band this year. i play flute and piccolo.

2) i was allergic to milk and dairy products when i was little, but i grew out of it. and not like lactose intolerant. like if-milk-even-touches-my-skin-i'll-turn-the-color-of-a-firetruck.

3) it's my best friend cassie's birthday today :)

4) i have a pet bunny named mocha.

5) i do trapeze and circus arts at an aerial dance studio in my town.

6) i hate sports. and running. and anything that involves a ball.

7) my hair is naturally curly, but it's not naturally red.

8) i'm currently eating a pb&j sandwich.

9) i redesign/upcycle clothes.

10) i was featured in rookiemag once - my friend perrin and i were the march friend crush this year.

11) i am not easily angered, but when i do get mad, which is very very rarely, i get MAD. like, throw shit across the room at your head mad.

11 questions from taggers:

Amber

1. Who's your favorite Disney character?

    rapunzel from tangled. or mulan. or... oh geez i can't decide.
2. Pencils or pens?

    PENS. i can't stand writing in pencil. pens are much prettier :)
3. What do you love about blogging?

    meeting other people like me - it reminds me that i'm not alone :P
4. Who's your idol?

    emma watson. she's so poised and elegant, yet real. and very talented.
5. What do you want to be when you grow up?

    i have absolutely no idea.
6. Do you like being on stage? (acting, singing,...)

    YES! i'm a drama queen. i did ballet for 10 years and now i do trapeze and circus arts.

7. What is/was your favorite subject in school?

    english/literature
8. If you could have a magic power, what would it be?

    dear lord... i suppose being able to read peoples' moods.
9. Which language do you want to learn?

     italian!
10. What's the first thing on your wish list?

      a serger. i got addicted to the one we use at the shop i intern at and now i NEED one for myself.
11. Which song makes you happy?

      anything and everything by fiona apple. and lost kitten by metric.

Sophie

1. What's your favourite band?

     i suppose florence and the machine is my all time favorite, but i love so many that i can't really choose one favorite!
2. If you had a time machine, where is the first place that you would go?

    the 60s.
3. Do you have any posters on your bedroom walls? What are they of?

     one, it's a collector's edition harry potter poster with all 8 movie posters combined on it :)
4. Who are your heroes?

     emma watson, evanna lynch, tavi gevinson, audrey hepburn, john green
5. Who's your favourite writer/author?

     i don't have one! i love jk rowling, john green, libba bray, and cassandra clare.
6. What's your favourite magazine?

     rookiemag and nylon
7. Do you like Rookiemag? Do you read it regularly? Do you have a favourite Rookie post?

    YES, YES, and no not really they're all great!
8. Which film makes you laugh the most?

     i just saw the heat with my mom and grandma and it nearly made me pee my pants laughing.
9. What's the best concert you've ever been to?

     i've only been to two, but i had the most fun at a kelly clarkson concert. i went with my two best friends for my birthday last year, and we had a blast :)

10. If you could be in any TV series, what series would it be and why?

     supernatural, because jared padalecki and jensen ackles. duh.
11. Put the first picture you come across here when you refresh your tumblr or blog timeline.

from Things We Forget

Ella

1. Shrek or Ice Age?

    neither. i didn't really take to either one. i'm more of a disney girl.
2. If you were invisible for a day, what would you do ?

    walk around pranking people i don't like
3. What is the colour of your walls / wallpaper in your bedroom?

     pink!
4. Who is your current celebrity crush?

     anyone and everyone on the cast of the city of bones movie. also jared padalecki.
5. If you could go back in time, where would you go?

     the 60s!
6. What do you have an irrational fear of?

     adhesive being stuck to my skin.
7. What book are you currently reading?

     city of fallen angels by cassandra clare
8. Do you have a strange habit? What is it?

     i put everything that comes in multiple colors in rainbow order. always.
9. Do you read Rookie? (If not, why not!) Why do you love it? (Because if you do read it, you obviously love it, as it is impossible not to!)

      YES! because it's not just a bunch of adults telling you what you should and shouldn't do to be the ideal teenage girl. it's a bunch of teenage girls and empowering women telling you their stories in order to help you grow and become a better you.
10. What is your favourite song?

      i don't have one, but i adore anything and everything by fiona apple and florence and the machine.
11. If you were trapped in a vat of food, and had to eat it to get yourself out of there, what food would you want to be trapped in?

      DARK CHOCOLATE.

and now for my nominees:

1) Chloe of Perpetual Perplexities

2) Carla of Redpunzel

3) Sophie at for we are only trampling daisies

4) Ai-Lin at skim and sink

5) Cecily and Gwendolen at their Harangues and their Fancies

6) Chloe at Rhinestone Moon

7) Ana at Dancing Without Moving

8) Eryn at Style Orbit

9) Hollie at A Little Prickly

10) Elle at Elle Stole My Name

11) Millie at Sugarmilz

and my questions:

1) what's your favorite book?

2) what's your favorite song?

3) what's your favorite disney movie?

4) what got you started blogging?

5) who are some of your idols?

6) who are some of your celebrity crushes?

7) who's your best friend and why do you love them?

8) what's your favorite part about yourself (physically or personality-wise)?

9) dark, milk, or white chocolate?

10) what's your favorite band/musician?

11) how long was the longest you've ever been away from home? where did you go?

the end! thanks for the noms, my dears! much love xx

home sweet home

hello my lovelies!! i have finally returned from my western travels. i'm so sorry that i've been neglecting my blog of late - most of the places we went had zero wifi, and if they did i used it to help my technologically impaired mother add to the family vacation blog i set up for her and had no time to work on my own. i have missed you all!! due to exhaustion and laziness and a smidge of jetlag i will not go into great detail in this post, but basically what happened was we drove a lot and went to a bunch of national parks and i was stuck in the same car/hotel room as my 13 year old brother and his toxic farts for 2 1/2 weeks. happily, i got to visit some family in colorado and my best friend from middle school who moved to arkansas two years ago, so that was fantastic. here's a preview of the sights we saw - i swear i'll do a better post later!!!

the arch in st. louis

me in the badlands

mt. rushmore is a lot smaller than i thought

crazy horse monument - when it's done, he'll be riding a horse and pointing to his lands
mt. rushmore will fit in his armpit

moose

we did this thing where we rode horseback to the top of a mountain and then the cowboys served us a campfire breakfast

sunset in yellowstone

yellowstone gorgeousness

elk

amazing sunset - the clouds looked unreal, straight out of a renaissance painting

traffic jam yellowstone style (those are bison/buffalo)

some cool looking geyser thing

hiii mr. buffalo.... niiice mr. buffalo....

old faithful

badass geyser

the grand tetons mountains

kayaking in grand tetons national park

ride 'em cowgirl

red rocks, a natural outdoor amphitheater in denver, colorado
i didn't see any shows there but i hear the acoustics are outstanding

more later, i promise! bye for now :)

pride vs. narcissism: food for thought

so i just finished this really great book called beauty queens by libba bray, about a plane full of beauty pageant contestants that crashes on a deserted island. it's fucking hilarious, and yet also gets you thinking about feminism and society and corporate commercialism and the downfall of humanity in general. there's a part in it that really made me think, where one of the main characters, adina, is making her case to be elected team leader of the group of surviving girls. when she makes her speech she states all of her good leadership qualities with no shyness or humility, just unabashed pride in her skills and faith that she could be a strong leader. she is outvoted and another girl is elected team leader. later adina's friend mary lou explains to her that she thinks the reason adina got outvoted was because she was so open about her skills. she stated what she was good at with no shame or hesitation. according to mary lou, this tends to be off-putting, and usually pride in your skills is more well-received when prompted by a compliment. and even when you're complimented, mary lou insists that you're supposed to protest or question the compliment to make it seem like you're more humble. you can tell that both mary lou and adina think that concept is bullshit, yet they acknowledge that it's actually kind of true. and it is. that's what society expects of us. women aren't supposed to take obvious pride in their talents.

this issue was brought to my mind again when i was reading this rookie article, which talks about how women who are openly invested in and proud of their art are often criticized and called narcissistic attention whores. a woman can be a very talented actress and writer or director or producer, like lena dunham, mindy kaling or tina fey, but GOD FORBID they actually STAR in their OWN SHOW. like, that's totally self-obsessed, right? because a woman can't be multi-talented and PROUD OF IT. women who have successful careers in one area, such as acting or music, are often burned at the stake for trying to pursue another area of expertise, because people just don't get that it's OKAY for a woman to have many talents and ideas and make use of them and be invested in them and have faith in them.

of course, i find that this issue is much less common among men. men can brag about themselves and their talents and accomplishments all they want, and they're just "confident" or have a "big personality". not always, but that's what i've noticed in my experience. and i've noticed that the notion that women MUST be humble and meek when it comes to acknowledging their own skills has worked its way into even my subconscious. like, a few months ago i was writing up my resume to apply for my internship, and when i was supposed to list my skills and talents i got really nervous because i really didn't want to seem like i was bragging or being self-absorbed. i almost felt guilty that i had a long list of skills that applied to the internship requirements, because i was afraid of being seen as narcissistic. even though i can sew, draw, write, collage, dance, paint, and do trapeze and circus arts; even though i have tons of skills and talents that i'm proud of, i'm still very hesitant about broadcasting how proud i am of my skills because apparently it's not okay to take pride in your creativity. it's weird, and it bothers me.

just some food for thought: i've had the issue on my mind for a while and felt the need to talk about it. feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section (just be nice) :)

Better than fine

So this past week has been a bit cray. I'm sorry I haven't been posting!! Honestly I haven't had much interesting stuff to talk about, unless you count my love life (which is awesome right now but I doubt you care about that). My outfits haven't been thast notable of late seeing as my summer usually consists of nature hikes at the botanical gardens and lying in my backyard or by the poolside reading, meaning my summertime uniform is usually a realatively decent thrifted tank top or tshirt, a pair of high waisted jean shorts, and bare feet. Not too impressive. But still, perfect for running wild with my new boyfriend :) 

Yep, the cutie who I mentioned in my last post. We've hung out every day this week! Our first date was a lovely hike and picnic along the river that runs through my town. It started to pour towards the end of our hike so we danced in the rain, and it was kind of perfect. The next few days we went for long walks and laid out in the shade in my backyard, just talking and holding hands. It feels almost too good to be true. I'm so happy!

In other news, my family is taking a huge road trip out west starting next week!! We're going from where we live in Georgia to St. Louis, Yellowstone, the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Grand Tetons National Park, Steamboat Springs Colorado, and finally visiting my best friend from middle school who moved to Arkansas last year and who I miss terribly. I'm really excited! I've decided that as a project to keep me both entertained and busy during the long drive I'm going to do a sort of HONY-style documentation of my trip by taking pictures of the interesting people I encounter along the way, as opposed to just the scenery and stuff. Then I'll probably take the pictures I like most and draw them for my AP Art portfolio. It'll be like a tour of the Midwest through people instead of places! I'll definitely post the completed drawings on here and share stories about the trip and the cool peeps I meet!

Now I leave you with Fiona Apple's song "Waltz (Better Than Fine)" because Fiona rocks and this song pretty much encompasses my current feeling of bliss. Hope you all are having as wonderful of a summer as I am!! Xoxo

boys, brothers, and summer at last

okay guys i am REALLY PUMPED right now because i just found out that the guy i like, the one i mentioned in my versatile blogger post, likes me too! i gave him a letter today explaining my feelings and he called me tonight and told me he felt the same way. it was so sweet - he told me that when he first saw my self portrait that's hanging in the grand commons of my school he thought i was the prettiest person he'd ever seen. god i'm so excited i can barely hold it in! EEP!

on another rather depressing yet hilarious note, my little brother has had the most ridiculous sequence of events this week. every single day he got hurt in some way. tuesday he fell in gym and hit his cheek on the bleachers so he has a big scratch on his face. next day he got hit in the nose accidentally when he was playfighting with a friend, so his schnoz is bruised. thursday he knocked a hammer from the top of a ladder and it hit him square in the head, so add a minor concussion and a goose-egg the size of a baby's fist to that mental image. and then this morning - when we thought the storm of injury had passed, since bad things apparently come in threes - he stepped on a nail. luckily he was up to date on his tetanus shots. i told my mom that we needed to wrap him in bubble wrap and chain mail and pillows and lock him in a giant hamster ball. oh, and he's okay by the way. other than the fact that he looks like he narrowly escaped a gang fight. but his escapades this week remind me of looney tunes so much that i can't help but giggle every time i see him. lemony snicket should write a series about my brother's life. poor kid.

and lastly, yesterday was officially my last day of being a sophomore!! i am now free at last! time for sweet tea and pool lounging in my AWESOME new bikini, which i found on forever21.com. i think you'll appreciate it:

www.forever21.com

that's right guys, my pool-time lounging is officially flamingo-fied :)

in honor of the fact that IT'S SUMMERTIME BITCHEZ, here's my favorite childhood lullaby, "summertime" (sometimes called "summertime and the livin' is easy"). enjoy!!

anxiety and bugs

i'm sorry if this post is just a huge angsty word-vomit. tonight i found this set of pictures on my friend's tumblr. it really spoke to me - actually i ended up crying when i read it. i have suffered from anxiety my entire life, and this pretty much explains how i feel, and how i'm treated by my friends and loved ones.

anxiety is a tough disorder. it's really hard to handle sometimes - a lot of people, including my dad, think that it's all in my head, and i can stop being anxious at any time. but it's not like that. anxiety is a real disorder that has physical and emotional effects. the thing is, i get my anxiety from my dad. he is a huge perfectionist, and he's always pushed me to be the best of the best. i suppose i inherited his perfectionism, because i have lived my entire life so far in fear of failure. the thought of messing up or disappointing someone, especially an authority figure, scares the ever-living shit out of me. and that all comes from him. he's been trying really hard to understand the fact that stress and anxiety and depression are real things that can hurt you physically ever since the whole hospital situation. it's hard for him to grasp though. my dad is a very literal person, very much a logical and scientific mind. the whole idea that emotions can take a toll on your physical well-being is a new one for him, and i've run into a lot of other people who are the same way. 

a lot of the time people are really surprised that i'm so open about my anxiety and depression problems, but it's a part of who i am, and i'm not ashamed of it. yeah, i see a therapist weekly. sure, i'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. but that shit's part of the package. i present myself to people with no illusions. i have problems. if you want to get to know me, you gotta deal. like i said, my issues are a part of me.

i have learned over the years that i can discover who my real friends are when they're still sitting with me, rubbing my back and consoling me, through the fifteenth panic attack of mine that they've witnessed, without complaining or telling me to get over myself. and let me tell you, such friends are few and far between. i've met some gems, though, like my darling perrin, who i love with all my heart. 

but lately i've been feeling very lonely . my anxiety has been all wonky - down to zero one minute and off the charts the next - and nobody seems to know what to do about it, including me. i haven't been able to sleep until 4am for the past 2 weeks. and i am no insomniac. i'm one of those people who could sleep 12 hours straight, take a nap a few hours later, and still go to bed early. sleep has never been an issue for me until now. 

i'm not sure how to deal with all this. my brain is sort of whirring like the wheel of a hamster on crack right now, so my thoughts are all jumbled and my emotions are running high. i just needed to vent i suppose. sorry if this makes no sense.

in other news, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE BUGS, YO? i live in the south, and it's starting to get warm down here. and every year i forget during the blissful winter that one of the things that inevitably heralds the coming of summer is the sudden insect infestation. i'm talking roaches in the kitchen, crickets in the bathroom, these giant fruit flies the size of fucking grapes flying around the whole house, and what the fuck even is that little beetley-lookin thing crawling up the wires of my earbuds? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. oh, and don't even get me started on the mosquitoes. apparently i'm sweet blooded, because every time i go outside i come back in with at least ten more itchy welts than i had before. this whole situation is reminiscent of that episode of supernatural in season 1 with the killer cockroaches and shit. don't get me wrong, i'm pumped for warm weather. sundresses and cat-eye sunglasses? all for it. but no bugs. please no more bugs.

the end.

i have officially joined club ginger!

i got my hair dyed by a pro on saturday and i am SO FUCKING EXCITED because it looks soooo good!!!!!!!!! yayyyy!!!!!!! it's just how i wanted it. what do you think??

BEFORE
i was a dirty blondish brown

AFTER!!!
i have gorgeously red locks! is it narcissistic to be completely in love with your hair?

also, here's what i wore yesterday for mothers day :)

dress from goodwill, thrifted belt, shoes from rack room

hope you all had a beautiful mothers' day!! :) <3